Rick Allen is a humorist, freelance writer and healthcare practitioner. He graduated from both Grand Canyon University and Midwestern University. He currently works in a multidisciplinary pain center, where he tries not to worsen his patient's pain with below average humor. With his readers in mind, he has set the lofty goal of a pain-free, humorous read, with his novel - Proctology Treasure.
It just wasn't working. On most occasions Simon Glover, successful proctologist and owner of Hiney Health, could turn even the worst of days around by leafing through his robust financial statements. Somehow seeing those large numbers in the asset column just had a way of making even the bleakest of days tolerable. Simon's broad shoulders slumped forward as he set the financial information down on his handsome mahogany desk, situated in the center of his home study, while trying in vain to avoid eye contact with the other paperwork.
The report causing him such anguish was lying at the far left corner of the desk in front of him. It seemed to Dr. Glover, the report did not have a care in the world, while exuding a little attitude. His eyes once again locked onto this evil report. It seemed to be glaring back at him, mocking him like a schoolyard bully. He broke eye contact and picked up a copy of his monthly medical publication, The Proctology Insider . He thumbed through it for a moment, but it was no use. He felt the draw of the report pulling him in with the force of a sci-fi tractor beam. He tossed the publication aside.
Reaching over the financial statements, he picked up the dreaded medical report, and looked over the data for perhaps the hundredth time in the last couple of hours. The pit in his stomach was undeniable and exquisite. He sighed and gave a sideways glance at his humorous desktop calendar. Under normal circumstances a comical conversation between two cows standing on their hind legs would be more than enough to at least put a smile on his face, but not today.
Dr. Glover set the report down, swiveled his chair ninety degrees and stared for a long moment at the oversized clock on the wall. The slowly moving hands rotated inexorably forward without emitting a sound. As they did he wondered if his time was now slipping away without making much of a sound to the contrary. The inadvertent tapping of his Birkenstock sandals on the Saltillo tile floor broke the silence in the expansive study. The resonating sound jarred his thoughts back to his current dilemma. The news he had received earlier in the day was setting in, and it was truly making him nauseous. Dr. Glover removed his sandals, eased back in his chair and placed his feet on the corner of the desk as reflected on his situation.
Only three short months ago, Simon Glover had, on a whim, purchased what had turned out to be the winning National Lottery ticket. In an instant he had gone from being well off, to becoming fabulously wealthy. Prior to that life-altering day when his finances dramatically change, he had worked hard to build up his practice and a name for himself and had succeeded on both counts. With the help of some savvy marketing, his proctology practice, Hiney Health, had for the most part become a household name in Scottsdale Arizona, where he called home. In the last year, he had even brought on a partner and added gastroenterology to his practice, which complemented his proctology services quite nicely.
His business partner, Bill Poot, was a long time friend. The two had met at Arizona State University where they both did their undergraduate work and quickly became inseparable. Bill had tried to convince Simon later in medical school that they should both pursue gastroenterology as a specialty. Bill had argued that, as a proctologist, Simon would only be treating the bus stop while he as a gastroenterologist would be treating the whole route, and after all, it's not about the destination but the journey getting there, right?
Simon often felt that his friend had missed his calling as a trial lawyer. But in the end, neither could dissuade the other and they each felt their surname had predestine them to their chosen field of practice. Recently, however, Glover and Poot had reunited at Hiney Health-proctology and gastroenterology living in