Transcript from the "Galaxy's Greatest Sports Show with Dan, Akbar, and Tarat the Smasher"
DAN: Hello again, sports fans. I am the semi-mystical being known as Dan the Man Gianni, once again bringing you the most stunning show the universe has witnessed since the Big Bang. With me as always, Hall-of-Fame linebacker Tarat the Smasher and my lil' buddy, Akbar Smith.
TARAT: Thank you, Dan.
AKBAR: Lil' buddy ? Are you kidding?
DAN: No need to thank me, Akbar. Everyone in broadcasting needs a great nickname.
AKBAR: And your great nickname is Dan the Man ? That's the best you got?
TARAT: Well, we can't all have names like Smasher , lil' buddy.
DAN: Hey! Was that humor out of Tarat? Fantastic.
AKBAR: Tarat, how many times do I have to tell you to not encourage him?
TARAT: But I thought it was good to offer Humans encouragement.
DAN: Never mind him, Tarat. Let's get into the news. The Tier Three Tournament is underway. We're through the first round of the famed Two Weeks of Hell .
TARAT: My money is on the Achnad Archangels.
AKBAR: I'm going with the Kull Conquerors.
DAN: You're both wrong, wrong and ... oh wait ... I have a memo here ... yes, it says wrong ! The Pittsburgh Steelers are the cream of the Tier Three crop this year and they'll bring the Homestead Cup back to Earth for the first time in a decade.
AKBAR: The Steelers? You're crazy. And what the hell is a steeler, anyway?
TARAT: A stealer is someone who practices theft, Akbar. And Dan, with a statement like that, I have to question the validity of your decision-making process.
DAN: Both of you, shush it. We're not going to dwell on Tier Three, because the real story is free agency for the upcoming 2684 Tier One season. You guys know how this works. Tier One finishes, which takes us to the Two Weeks of Hell for Tier Three and when that finishes we have the Tier Two season. With Tier One season finished and the Wabash Wolfpack crowned champs, we immediately jump into the free agency window. Teams can sign any player who is not under contract.
AKBAR: Sure, but we won't see any big signings for another few weeks, Dan. Players have to feel things out.
DAN: Wrong, fish-breath! This just in. The Galaxy's Greatest Sports Show is the first with the story - Rick Renaud, formerly with the New Rodina Astronauts and the top freeagent quarterback in all of football, just signed with the Yall Criminals.
TARAT: The Criminals got Renaud? That is a big move.
AKBAR: That instantly makes them contenders again. Last year, they were six-and-six, but in '82, they were eleven-and-one and favored to win it all before they lost to the To Pirates in the semi-finals.
TARAT: They only lost that game because quarterback Morite Whittmore was hurt in the second quarter. The Criminals were ahead when that happened.
DAN: Well, we'll see what the Yall Criminals can do now that they have their man. Renaud's deal is eighteen megacredits a season for six seasons, one hundred eight megacredits total, forty-eight of those guaranteed. That's forty-eight million credits, guaranteed, even if he doesn't play a down for the Criminals. That makes him the highest-paid player in the history of the GFL. We know the rules committee is looking into a salary cap for 2686, which means the 2685 season could be the last year where a team can pay whatever it wants to land a player. With Renaud defining what a quarterback can make, what does that mean for free-agent quarterbacks at the