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Actually, It Is All About Me How Being Selfish Can Actually Be Selfless von Bowditch, Nick (eBook)

  • Verlag: Michael Hanrahan Publishing
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Actually, It Is All About Me

In his second book 'Actually, It IS All About Me', Nick Bowditch discusses the importance of putting yourself first in both mind and body. Nick talks openly and honestly about his mental health issues and how they affect where he puts himself on the ladder of needs (usually near or at the bottom when he is struggling and closer to the top when he is going well).


    Format: ePUB
    Kopierschutz: AdobeDRM
    Seitenzahl: 160
    Sprache: Englisch
    ISBN: 9780995408319
    Verlag: Michael Hanrahan Publishing
    Größe: 900kBytes
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Actually, It Is All About Me

From the time when I was very little, I was told something along the lines of, 'The world doesn't revolve around you.' I have two sisters and two brothers older than me, and two brothers younger than me. When I was growing up, our house was always, as you would expect, noisy and busy. All of us had our own deadlines and our own lives, so time dedicated to just one of us would inevitably cause a disruption at least, and some resentment at worst. I can distinctly remember being told by my parents (and I remember this because I hear the same words coming out of my mouth when talking to my own kids) that I was just one of the people living in the house, and there was only so much time and attention (and hot water) to go around. Now kids can be pretty selfish, but if even the most selfish of kids are told often enough that it's not all about them, they will start to listen - and believe it. And I did. I grew up believing that 'being selfish' - whatever I thought that was - was one of the worst things I could be. If nobody was selfish, everyone would get enough of what they wanted, and everyone would live happily ever after. Well, it didn't quite work out that way. Not for me, and not for many people in my generation who were taught the same thing. Essentially, we were taught to rarely, if ever, put our needs before those of everyone else around us. Because we never asked to have our needs met, these needs were obviously left unresolved, and at best we were left unsatisfied and wishing for more. At worst, we became isolated and bitter. We were left to come to the conclusion that either our needs weren't important enough and didn't matter, or that somebody's - or everybody's - needs were greater than ours. For me, these kinds of ideas ended up manifesting themselves into a great desire for me to isolate myself from everyone around me. I moved away from myself, in a way. I felt guilty that I was so self-absorbed, because I couldn't let go of my own needs, particularly my needs for connection and love and safety. I didn't want to be someone whose needs were so selfish and self-satisfying. If you have read my book, Reboot Your Thinking , you will know that for a few years of my adolescent life I was tortured - both mentally and physically - by someone outside of my family who I trusted and constantly wanted friendship and connection from. I certainly don't blame my parents and family for that abuse - only one person is responsible for that, and it's not me. But while it was going on, I know now that I should have reached out to them. Or to anyone, really. But life wasn't all about me. I had to put others' feelings and priorities ahead of mine. Their needs had to be greater. So I kept the abuse hidden - and, it turns out, that was the worst thing I could possibly have done. And the net result of hiding all of that desire to have my own needs met - of putting everyone else first, and not wanting to rock the boat as a child and a young adult - soon manifested itself as years of acting out, hurting people (and myself), and only thinking of myself and my own desires and wants, while shunning everyone else in my world. When you're in an abusive relationship, regardless of your age or the degree of power imbalance in it, that's when you need to make everything all about you. Mostly, that's exactly what doesn't happen and, as a result, escaping from the cycle of neglect and abuse becomes more and more difficult. If you place no value on your own life and the place it holds in others' lives, why would anyone else? If you never reach out, put your hand up or have your needs met, people are likely to assume that you have all of your shit together and you don't need any help. And if you isolate yourself away so well that nobody even notices you are being abused and violated and tortured, nobody will come to save

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