Wake Up 2 Forgiveness!!!
Wake Up 2 Forgiveness!!!
"Oh my God!
Oh my God!
Oh my God!
Please don't do this!
God, Please!" I was screaming on the inside. I knew it was wrong, but I did whatever he told me to do. As I lay in bed completely silent, my only form of protest was in my head.
That night when those hands began to rub all on my young body. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't believe what was happening to me. Those familiar hands crept up under my pink nightgown. I just froze immediately.
I was only sixteen years old, and having someone touch me like that, was very creepy, and unnatural. I couldn't run, or scream or he would have beaten me.
Help me!" I was yelling at God in my head.
I quivered in bed, when hands began to touch my body from every direction. He was running the show, and the other person only went off his instructions. He was a very good manipulator and good at brainwashing anyone.
In his mind, he believed that he had magical powers. Truth was he was just a bully. He bullied everyone involved into participating right now. I was probably the only one, which he was beating.
The other person he just manipulated the crap out of them. As my clothes began to leave my body, every ounce of dignity and self-esteem went with them. There was no intimacy, or preparation involved.
Everything just began to happen at one time. Both of their lips are kissing me at once, all the while I am dying inside. I was then told, to open my legs.
No, why me?" I began to panic inside.
I knew that this was wrong. The preacher man didn't have to say too much of anything. He was just that threatening. All he had to do was look at me and I'll be ready to shit my pants. Before I knew what was happening, he pried my legs open.
My real momma began to perform the most embarrassing acts on me. The preacher man began to take off those faded black slacks. He did not drink, so I cannot say that alcohol was the reason to his madness.
This is probably the worst thing that anyone can ask me to recall. I know that I have to tell my story the good, the bad, and the ugly. It's just that, having to remember those acts brings up so much anger inside of me.
"Only God can bring me through this," I began whisper in my head. He was determined to kill my light at any cost. Even if it meant making my own mother have sex with me.
It was like the preacher man and my real momma would have sex. Then, he would make her have sex with me. I don't know what to say, the shit was crazy. My baby would be sleeping in the baby bed, right next to us.
My other momma, well, I could hear her snoring in her own room. Weird thing was that there was a pig that slept in our room.
It was in the fall of 1976, on one of my real mother visits when we lived in Amarelle, Arkansas. The preacher man had already known that my real mother liked girls. People gossiped all the time.
Everyone knew about my real momma. So her liking girls, was absolutely no secret. The preacher man, he had no morals, and me, well I was his property. Who did, whatever he told me to do.
Therefore we all went to bed that night. He made her teach me how to have sex with a woman. I hated it. It was humiliating, and there was nothing enjoyable about the sex act.
I wished that my real mother, would have stood up for me, and said, "No!
No, I will not do those things to my baby!" However, she said nothing. Honestly, she was too scared herself.
Once he was all done with me, I was pushed to the side. I grabbed the sheet and wrapped it around my body. The bed began to squeak next to me, and all I heard was heavy breathing. I cried silently as I dozed off t